How to Make Friends with Autism

Making friends as an autistic person can be wonderful, but it can also feel tiring, confusing, or overwhelming. A lot of advice on autism and friendships focuses on being more outgoing or reading social cues, but that does not work for everyone. A more helpful approach is to build friendships in ways that suit your communication style, sensory needs, interests, and energy levels.

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Here are some practical ways to make friendship feel more manageable and more genuine.

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1. Start with shared interests

One of the best ways to meet potential friends is through something you already enjoy. You might look for groups, clubs, classes, or online spaces based around your interests. This could include:

• gaming
• books
• animals
• crafts
• coding
• music
• sport
• volunteering
• fandoms
• board games
• nature groups

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Or whatever else you enjoy! Shared interests make conversation easier because you already have a topic in common. Instead of trying to make small talk from nothing, you can talk about the activity, ask questions, or simply spend time alongside others.

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2. Choose social interaction that works for you

Not every social situation is equally accessible. Loud pubs, busy parties, or unstructured group events may be exhausting. That does not mean you are bad at friendship; it may mean the environment is not right for you.

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You might find it easier to start with structured activities, online groups, quieter venues, or one-to-one plans. The National Autistic Society’s online branches are a good example of interest-based online communities that may feel more manageable than in-person groups.

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Before going somewhere new, it can help to ask what to expect. You could check the location, find out how many people usually attend, plan your journey, or decide in advance how long you want to stay.

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3. Focus on quality, not quantity

Friendship is not about having the biggest social circle. If you have a lot of acquaintances who might leave you feeling drained, or if you find yourself constantly masking, hiding your needs, or performing a version of yourself, you may find this exhausting.

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One or two people who understand and respect you can be much more valuable. Everyone needs belonging, authenticity, and to be accepted as their real self, and good friendships will contribute to this. However, a good friendship is built slowly, and it's okay if it takes time.

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4. Be clear and direct

Many autistic people communicate best when things are honest and explicit. That can actually be a strength in friendship. You might say things like:

• “I enjoyed talking to you. Would you like to meet again?”
• “I sometimes need time to reply, but I do want to stay in touch.”
• “I find busy places difficult. Could we meet somewhere quieter?”
• “I’m not sure what you mean. Could you explain?”

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Clear communication can reduce guesswork and help the other person understand you better.

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5. Remember, friendship is a two-way process

Researchers have highlighted what's known as the double empathy problem: the idea that autistic and non-autistic people may misunderstand each other because they experience the world differently.

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Overcoming misunderstandings or a mismatch in experiences is a two-way street. If there are communication difficulties, it's not just the autistic friend's responsibility. In other words, you should not have to do all the adapting: a good friend will also try to understand your needs, your humour, your communication style, and your boundaries.

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6. Know what a good friend looks like

A good friend is kind, trustworthy, supportive, and respects who you are. They should:

• respect your boundaries
• accept your need for downtime
• avoid pressuring you into uncomfortable situations
• listen when you explain your needs
• let you be yourself

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Friendship should feel safe, not like a test you are constantly trying to pass.

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7. Look for support and community

If you are not sure where to begin, the NHS autism support page and the National Autistic Society directory can help you find support groups, services, and local organisations.